(In) Tolerance

Tolerance is a virtue which has been talked about in all religious books, teachers, gurus, et al.  But the fact is that it is understated and the importance in the present scenario is understated – considering the situation which unfolds in front of us each day, though all of us claim to be religious / god fearing people, the fact is that we just ignore the existence of other people in the world. The world presently is just about “I, Me and Myself”.

The recent case is of the two ladies who aired their thoughts on Facebook about the inconvenience to the common man because of the closure of transportation, medical shops, ATM’s. The fact is that as much a person has a right to mourn a person’s demise, equally is the right of another person to go on with his life as it is. Why was action taken to impose a certain section of society’s thinking on the other people as well? Is it because we want to feel powerful by subduing the other person or we are just trying to satisfy our ego?

Religious intolerance is another factor where each religious leader believes and teaches that their religion / teachings is the true and pure religion. Having said that, though they are not necessarily propagating that the other religions are not good enough but it is the perception and the upbringing of today’s society that things are a zero and one game or a Black / White scheme. We need to understand that life is full of colors – with each color having different shades and hues. If as a human being we are able to understand that I believe the world would be a better place to live.

To some extent one of the reason for the intolerance is also the kind of environment we have in schools – which makes us intolerant to the success of other classmates. That is why we see a lot of fragile teenagers – who are ready to bully their classmates, pick up fights if somebody opposes their actions, emotional fragility of getting rejected if they do not score well in exams (which has led number of kids to suicide or extreme measures). As elders we might probably have to build the confidence of kids to make them more independent emotionally and accept rejection / failure as part of life. Use the failure as a ladder of success rather than a downslide.

I feel the point is that more than our own success and happiness – we would like to see the other person miserable in most cases. That is how life has become and parents should inculcate this attitude amongst their kids to make this world a better place to live in.

‎"O mere masroof khuda apni duniya dekh zaraa"...! (Nasir Kazmi)
jahaan aadmi to hai Insaan ki kami hai, 
Hansee to hai; khushi ki kami hai, 
dil to hai Dhadkan ki kamee hai, 
Soorat to hai Zirat ki kamee hai,
O mere masroof khuda apni duniya dekh zaraa!!

Almighty and His world!!

Why do we say it’s His Blessings when things go well and you have achieved something but when something goes wrong / bad – we try to blame our past actions / deeds for the misfortune? Is it an escapist attitude, or we are too scared of asking questions? But that is the way we all have been brought up in general – irrespective of the religion, caste, creed. We are made to believe that whatever we have done in our past life will have an effect on our present life and what we do in this life is going to define how our future (next) life is going to be.  Was it just a way to keep people in line in the earlier days or is it true? To be honest, I am not sure we will be able to agree on any of these… we will continue to follow what we have been taught by our parents, family, society etc.

The other question comes up how many of us believe in destiny? Are we responsible for all our actions? We will reap the fruits of our actions, good or bad, in our present life in our next (another school of thought says in our present life, so leaving it at that).

If we come to this world with our fate / destinies written and defined – that means Almighty is the architect who has designed our lives, which includes good deeds, bad deeds, and he has added a good measure of noble, kind-hearted people and the evil people and so on. So if it is already defined what we are supposed to do in our life then are we actually responsible for our actions? Do we deserve the rewards or punishment for our actions? We are just following our Master’s Voice and what he has written for us. What that means, from my perspective, is that there are no Good or Bad people, there are no Evil or Noble people… each of us are playing a part which has been defined for us and we are just following the script. What is good in one person’s eyes may not hold true for another and the same thing holds true for each and every action, so it is the perspective you have of the action.

From this discussion, another point emerges – how does Almighty decide who gets to do what? And if he is writing the script of this world, why does he have to include all the suffering, pain, disease on the people he created. Why did he have to create the animosity among people, to create jealousy, why did he have to create the economic inequality amongst us all… why can’t we just live the way we are, peacefully. 

Does He know how much a mother’s heart pains to see her ailing child and in some cases where she cannot do anything – Does He (as a parent – know a parent’s heart), how much it hurts a father to see his kids struggle in life, for a daily wager to see his kids in the hot burning sun and other rich kids enjoying the cool climes of a controlled environment.

I don’t know the answer… the objective of this blog is not to give answers, is not to say that we become atheist, but is to create our own questions for which each of us have to search for our own answers. 

Expectations!!

I doubt if anybody has an answer to it… for the simple reason that the expectations change with time, circumstances, situations, people…. But we do not shy away from working towards achieving those expectations, fulfilling the desires, praying for the heavenly support to achieve those goals. We look at others to create a benchmark to look at what all they have and we do not have. Invariably we tend to overlook the details of the other’s achievements – how much effort, time, sweat has gone into achieving that goal, what were the hurdles they faced, and so on… Why does that happen? Is it because of the fact that we want to have the fruit but not work hard for it? Everybody talks about Bill Gates, Ambanis, Steve Jobs and talk about what they have achieved, Lot of people talk about Einstein, Abraham Lincoln and others who were school drop outs and they achieved the peak in their respective careers – but I wonder how many of us can actually go through the grind they have gone through, the rejection they faced from the society and faced it bravely, the odds they had to overcome to achieve what they did… The stories are numerous from all spheres of life but then how do we address all of them here. On the other hand, when it comes to difficulties, we always look at ourselves and the troubles which we face every day and from our perspective those are the biggest problems anybody can have. At this time, we “believe” that whatever trouble the others have are manageable. We always get overwhelmed with our own problems and get so involved that we ignore the rest. But the fact is that when we look at other people, you might see a different picture from what you perceive. Having said that, every individual, family, have their own sets of challenges / problems which they face on a daily basis and we as outsiders cannot fathom the extent of others problems. Both these situations can lead to dissatisfaction with life, economic status, social status, and imbalance within the society. To get a semblance of equality within the society, we should try to look at situations empathetically, define our priorities (which work for us), work towards those priorities – to do that we need to look beyond ourselves, look beyond our problems, our achievements and understand the environment we live in, understand the need of the situation and face the situation head-on rather than shy away from it. Having an Ostrich attitude will complicate the matter even more.

Wake up!!

For me travelling is a period when you have time just for yourself, to clear the clutter in the mind, prioritize activities and tasks, to get the focus right. Nothing can move me away from being with me - not even a snoring co-passenger or the pressure of work, and not even my Boss. That is the “ME” time on the flight. During one of those “ME” times you tend to think about where we are in life, what we have achieved, which peaks we need to scale, what peaks we need to give a miss…. This time, it was different, the thought which came up struck my head, was focused on “why we are the way we are”; “ what makes us strong or weak?” ; “how our being strong or weak redefines our lives”; “How our life affects the life of our loved ones”; “ How we can be the change in the life of others – not only our family but the less privileged ones” and so on… It was a surprise, because (we) tend to be selfish, and focus on ourselves, our lives, our family, what is in it for me and et al. It was a good change for my mind; to think about something which is was not selfish, giving me an opportunity to do something for others, who are not privileged enough.
It soothed my mind, it made me feel proud of being helpful to others (like we have read in our books); following the great gurus and saints, something to differentiate me from the “others”… I was Happy, really Happy… that I was helping others in providing them with material goods, means for them to live their lives better, providing them money to buy medicines, giving off my used (in good condition) clothes, providing toys for them used by my child (some of them broken). I was Happy, and felt really proud of myself, had a boom in my voice, I towered amongst the lesser mortals, I was sure the Almighty was happy and I will have a good Report card to take back home – when “my time” comes.

Even when we pray to God, we have a need, a desire, to achieve something, to reach a certain goal and we need divine help to be there. Even when we go to our “Guru” – to pay our respect, we may not talk about our aspirations but somewhere in the heart, in the mind there is a dormant desire, which we expect the “Guru” to read and grant us the wish.

That was till it dawned on me – that what the lesser privileged people need – it is not to feed them only, but also to make help them strive for independence. It dawned on me that these kids / adults do not need charity, they need a compassionate shoulder, encouraging words for them to stand up despite their deficiencies. They need very little to survive and do well unlike us, who need all the luxuries in life and we still complain about how bad things are. Then, it realized on me what I was doing was just massaging my ego, trying to win some brownie points from the Almighty, trying to be a Robin Hood to the people who could teach us so much more about life.

Why are we so foolish? Why are we so Selfish? Why are we so naïve? Why are we so self- centered?
Now I understand the meaning of what my Guru had told me - The key to a happy and successful living is to be selfless, to be focused on others welfare, It is us who can make our destiny, it is us who can help us achieve our desires. It is us who can make a difference in our lives and others lives too.

"Special Day"

Why do we need a Valentine’s Day to express our love for somebody? Is it that we are not allowed to speak about love on the other days or our love multiplies manifold on 14th February, or that people become more receptive to accept proposals on this day?
I am not against celebrating the day for the loved ones or expressing your love for somebody on this day – but the question is why only this day…. We should express our love for loved ones, all the time, at every opportunity we get, all through the year, across different seasons.
By the way, who says love doesn’t sell…. It’s an INR 12000 crore industry for the Valentine week. Hats off to the person who thought of making it popular in India. So right from the roadside florist to the telecom operator, the luxurious restaurant to the upscale gift shop, everyone will get a generous piece of the rich love pie. The biggest beneficiaries are the Greeting card sellers and florists across the cities – the price also doubles or triples depending on the locality you are staying at.
Talking about special days, I guess there is a day for everything – Mother’s day, Father’s day, Sister’s day and you end up keeping track of the all the days of the year – 50% of the time we end up celebrating this day or that day…… I am sure most of us would believe in having a “Mother’s Day” or a “Father’s Day” (or for that matter any of the loved ones) on all 365 days of the year and so for all the loved ones we have. But then Love for somebody was never measured with a material gift – it was about expressing our appreciation for that person, how much we cherish their presence, how much we value their suggestions.
Let’s make it a point that we express our love and respect to our loved ones all through the year and make every day a “SPECIAL DAY” – for them and for us.

"Why me" OR "Why Not Me"

"Why me" OR "Why not me"

We always want the best of things for ourselves, the best cars, apartments, and so on and so forth. It is natural to think and act that way. Human nature, I guess, is to take the safer route out… nobody wants to swim against the current, though some do it, because they are driven against the wall. We tend to be escapists most of the time, running away from the facts which stare us in the face.
We tend to forget that life is two faced, if you have day – you have the night as well, if you see joy – you will have to face sorrow as well. But we never look at it…. We have become so bankrupt emotionally, that we are not able to handle failure – in studies, job, business, love, life.. and there is one solution to all problems – either CRIME or EXTREME steps. This is the face of the society today, we talk about advancement but then when we look at how unstable and insatiable we are as humans, we know where we stand. I am sure that the problems were earlier and manifold, the problems are still there, though the nature of the problems have changed, it is more about material and physical needs.
If we scan the newspaper there are so many reports of teenagers having got involved in crime because they found it as the easier way out. I guess we all need to change the attitude, the way we look at life… we need to go beyond ourselves and look at others who are lesser privileged and still happier than us, we need to look at people who have bigger problems in life (and I am sure all of us have lot of problems on our plate), the difference is how we look at life and stand up and live with the fact that life is a mixed bag. That is the attitude, the legacy we need to teach our children – not to take life and things forgranted… We can change the society for the better – do away with corruption, violence, cruelty…
Last but not the least, - When things did not go my way, there is / always has been a question we ask God- “Why me?” … Why can’t you make things simpler for me?... Give me a break God?.... Instead we should say – “Yeah, why not me… I can handle it”…. with a smile on your face..

“Then” and “Now”

When I look around myself, lot of times I realize that life would not be the same without its complexities, twists and turns, ups and downs.... At times I realize that I have been fortunate to be born in the age (all of 37, going on 38 baby) I was, for the simple reason that:
Firstly - I have had the best of everything - education, life, family support, opportunities, and simplicity at its best and so on and so forth. Looking at the generation ahead of us, I believe their life is too complex, with too many complications, too much pressure and too many aspirations - mind you this was something which was present in our generation too but in the right proportions which make a tasteful dish.

Secondly - Life back then was simple - studies, play, joint families, small cities, lesser travel time to school… and you got a lot of time to spend with your siblings, cousins and pursue your other interests.
Thirdly – we were too innocent and oblivious to the pressures of life, focused on having a healthy lifestyle, living a tension free life as a child. Unlike today where you have kids under pressure to perform in every sphere of life, too much expectations from the parents, teachers etc.

Environment – with industrialization at an early stage, the environment was conducive to live a healthy life, free of hormonal imbalances, genetic disorders, respiratory problems which we see in kids so often. Life was pure, serene…. GREEN.

Show me the money baby – was not our tag line back then…. If we got a few rupees on any good day in a year, we were satisfied with that… we did not have the iPods, the PSP, the malls and cell phones back then…. Materialism was limited to having an ice-cream at the city center shop. We had to earn our luxury items, by doing well at studies….

Families – people were happy living in joint families… together growing up with cousins, understanding the value of relationships, about sharing for others, respect for elders, caring for your younger siblings. Life was different then… it is “Different” now…
Wonder at times, how the times have changed, will there be a time when things will go back to the way they were… will we have caring relationships ever… will the materialism end… Will our kids live a healthy life…